Ironically you would think it would be more difficult to get me to create a blog if I was really that stubborn about doing it. Sadly I have this really bad habit of following direct orders from others. Some call it being responsible, I call it obnoxious as hell. Reminds me of Ella Enchanted. I will argue with you till I am blue in the face, but you give me a direct order and it is like, "Yes, Ma'am!" Which is how I ended up here with an anonymous blog. I don't anticipate anyone to actually read it so I guess I have no reason to state this precursor of these are simply my opinions thoughts feelings and reactions and in no way are intended to offend, identify or incriminate others. That being said, I'm still writing because I have to and I am avoiding reality. I'd rather be on Pinterest. Yea, yea, so I am playing with features. Shoot me.
Went to the doctor today to follow up from a weird lightheaded incident that occurred at work on Friday. Given the current state of my life, and the things I have been describing to her, I have basically been diagnosed with PTSD. Seriously? Isn't that crap for people that were in war or had massive trauma to their life like whole entire family murder suicides or something? Apparently not. I wonder if it is contagious. Maybe I can blow on the teacher in the classroom next to me and give her another reason why she can't just do her damn job. Ok that was mean. Hey wait, I can say whatever the hell I want! Hah!
So to make a long story short it has been a tough year. In the last year I had a miscarriage, my 2 year old(at the time) in the hospital twice for a week about a month apart, followed by my randomly experiencing bouts of syncope that I could not be roused from without the ever dear sternum rub (Angry fist!) which landed me in the hospital for a week 3 days after my baby girl had just been released for the second time, followed by being out of work for the last two months of school, financial strain like you wouldn't believe, ridiculous circumstances at work so far this year, and topping all that off with a lovely two/three weeks of elating joy due to discovering by accident that I was pregnant. Only to lose it at about 8 weeks. Now I feel like I have some kind of weird split personality disorder that only rears its head late at night when all is quiet and some disturbing dreams that while are fairly amusing when discussed during the day, seriously suck when I wake up from them. Embryo's screaming at me not to drown them followed by a *FLUSH!* or embryo's being eaten by my husband as he munches away on a shrimp salad. I know...sick and twisted right? This led to direct orders (remember the Ella Enchanted concept?) Immediately go back on meds, find a therapist and begin seeing them once a week until they tell you otherwise, create a blog(I love the 21st century thinking here, I remember showing my doc not long ago how to use her blackberry when she first got it and now she is telling me to blog?!) But I must say it allows for a bit more creativity than that of a hand written journal. Which I have never been good at using anyway. So far one entry down and no tears, good start. No wait, maybe a fake start. "If you haven't tapped into the tough stuff in your blog entry it doesn't count." Damn it! Well. fine! I created the blog, I told my hubby everything I have been ordered to do, which he immediately followed with "Go take a shower, that's an order.) Really? Hell, next thing you know he will be calling me Ella. I have at least attempted a start right? Who am I kidding, who the hell is actually going to read this random psychobabble? Other than myself and possibly someone being paid to do just that to analyze my inner most thoughts and feelings. Hey you, yea you, I'm paying you, go easy on me will ya?!
Went to the doctor today to follow up from a weird lightheaded incident that occurred at work on Friday. Given the current state of my life, and the things I have been describing to her, I have basically been diagnosed with PTSD. Seriously? Isn't that crap for people that were in war or had massive trauma to their life like whole entire family murder suicides or something? Apparently not. I wonder if it is contagious. Maybe I can blow on the teacher in the classroom next to me and give her another reason why she can't just do her damn job. Ok that was mean. Hey wait, I can say whatever the hell I want! Hah!
So to make a long story short it has been a tough year. In the last year I had a miscarriage, my 2 year old(at the time) in the hospital twice for a week about a month apart, followed by my randomly experiencing bouts of syncope that I could not be roused from without the ever dear sternum rub (Angry fist!) which landed me in the hospital for a week 3 days after my baby girl had just been released for the second time, followed by being out of work for the last two months of school, financial strain like you wouldn't believe, ridiculous circumstances at work so far this year, and topping all that off with a lovely two/three weeks of elating joy due to discovering by accident that I was pregnant. Only to lose it at about 8 weeks. Now I feel like I have some kind of weird split personality disorder that only rears its head late at night when all is quiet and some disturbing dreams that while are fairly amusing when discussed during the day, seriously suck when I wake up from them. Embryo's screaming at me not to drown them followed by a *FLUSH!* or embryo's being eaten by my husband as he munches away on a shrimp salad. I know...sick and twisted right? This led to direct orders (remember the Ella Enchanted concept?) Immediately go back on meds, find a therapist and begin seeing them once a week until they tell you otherwise, create a blog(I love the 21st century thinking here, I remember showing my doc not long ago how to use her blackberry when she first got it and now she is telling me to blog?!) But I must say it allows for a bit more creativity than that of a hand written journal. Which I have never been good at using anyway. So far one entry down and no tears, good start. No wait, maybe a fake start. "If you haven't tapped into the tough stuff in your blog entry it doesn't count." Damn it! Well. fine! I created the blog, I told my hubby everything I have been ordered to do, which he immediately followed with "Go take a shower, that's an order.) Really? Hell, next thing you know he will be calling me Ella. I have at least attempted a start right? Who am I kidding, who the hell is actually going to read this random psychobabble? Other than myself and possibly someone being paid to do just that to analyze my inner most thoughts and feelings. Hey you, yea you, I'm paying you, go easy on me will ya?!
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