In my bubble

Floating between awake and dreaming. I hear the soft rain outside my window and it tugs at my memory. My world sleeps around me and so I am safe within myself to float away. To remember, to dream, to imagine a world that just might have been very different from the one I live and breathe in. One might say it leads to more self inflicted pain, but not here, not this morning. This morning is just for floating. For remembering the good and letting it take it's own path of life in my head before tucking it back away again. My mind slips me back into the arms of another. Under the stars, bundled in jackets.  I'm not allowed to look away. Eyes I can't begin to describe. They are the window to the soul and I see much further than I ever have before. Still questions. Nothing will change the present. It's the eyes that are my undoing. The words say one thing but the eyes say different. So soft, so sweet, that first kiss. And thus it begins. My stomach warms and my heart flutters. I curse myself for being stupid and selfish but in this moment I don't care. All I care about is the one behind those eyes and the feelings that stir within now. What sparks is a hidden fire that was smoldered long before its time in two completely different souls that are connected in ways I didn't think possible. So safe. This I know. This I remember. Always understanding when I said it was too much or not yet. Always caring so much, I cry and the arms and hands bring me closer. Kisses in my hair, tender words of reassurance that I cling to because I must for I can't keep believing my own. My heart flutters and my stomach warms at this memory. I wrap it up soft and tuck it away in my heart, a cherished moment in time that belongs to me. No one can take that from me, I won't let them. Right now it keeps me breathing in a world of chaos. I float north, up the winding hill. The end, this is the end. Reality hits back soon. Slamming a door and locking it up doesn't kill what's buried inside. I don't want to be alone here. Show me it isn't just me in this world. The rain picks up outside my window. Pulling me back down to reality. I am awash with confusion. Something I don't want to contemplate right now. For now I just want to stay in my bubble, in the arms of another, from long ago, let my heart flutter and my stomach glow warm and drift...