This evening I had a really good chat with two different friends tonight. Apparently my counseling skills have re-awoken within me. It honestly felt really good. I felt like for the first time in a very long time I was able to offer something to someone else rather than taking from others because we have nothing left of ourselves to give. I had forgotten how much I get from the conversations I partake in that allow me to offer new perspective or new light onto something that they themselves are wrestling with. I feel almost like my old self! Which old self that is I am not sure.
She and I really do have a different kind of relationship than most people realize or even have the potential to understand. I have been having a hard time with her in recent months. Mostly because at the end of the day, as generous as she is, on some level deep down I am disgustingly jealous of the fact that she will probably never have to hold down a real job in order to make the bills. My RK and I fight so hard everyday just for what we are scraping by with and it angers me that we can't ever catch a break. I think deep down I begin to resent her life of financial surplus. I do not envy her path in life. She has a long road ahead. I realize that I tend to defend her to others when they start to rag on things that make them not like her as a person. The truth is, all of those things are very real, and quite obnoxious but at the end of the day, that isn't who she is as much as it is her past that she is trying hard to overcome. With clearer eyes I really do see her as my obnoxious younger sister in need of some hard core maturing. But I also see growth that others don't see. I'm sorry, but it is not in my nature to give up on people, even though sometimes I still come back to the wondering of whether I should or not.
My other friend and I have become so much closer since she began teaching with me in my classroom last year. It is hard to believe that a practical stranger who happened to be my co-worker has become such a dear friend to my entire family. She is dating My RK's best friend as well as has become one of my closest friends as of late. It is a much more equal relationship. We have different advice to offer each other at different times and it feels as though
Falling asleep! Finish later!
Never did go back to finish and not even sure what thought I was trying to go back to. Oh well!
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